


Gave It All Away

by blu_eyed_demon



Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers in Space
Genre: Adam's on self destruct basically, Depression, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-09
Updated: 2012-03-09
Packaged: 2017-11-01 16:37:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/358989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blu_eyed_demon/pseuds/blu_eyed_demon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Rocky had been moving on in their lives after giving up their powers but when Adam starts training Carlos the strain starts taking a toll on their relationship in more ways than one. Set during and after 'Always a Chance'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gave It All Away

**Author's Note:**

> Whilst the characters are not my own, this work is and I do not give permission for this work to be duplicated or posted anywhere else

//I will learn to live before I die  
will learn to love and learn to try  
not to give it all away//- Gave It All Away

 

“Power Down!” And Carlos appeared in front of Adam, turning to face him. “Thanks man.” He smiled though not completely as they clasped hands in a friendly greeting.  
  
“No problem, man.” And it honestly wasn't, Adam had loved every second of it and Carlos had come out unscathed so it was a definite win for the good guys. “Everybody needs a hand now and then. Even a Black Ranger.”  
  
Part of him was proud that Carlos was now Black Ranger, his own original colour though he could feel tinges of jealousy too. He'd definitely picked well in Carlos, he was sure of that.  
  
Carlos's expression darkened though “Maybe. Lately though it just seems like I could use a little more than usual.” He turned away, punching a crate and Adam moved nervously. This clearly wasn't a happy reunion, something must be going on with the Rangers and he was out of the loop entirely. He was just a civilian.  
  
Carlos gripped the boxes tightly, staring down at the floor so all Adam could see was his hunched over form from behind, no hint or clues as to what was going on. Why had the Black ranger needed him to intervene and not his team mates?  Something was clearly very wrong with this picture.  
  
“Meaning what?”  
  
“Meaning...” Carlos turned around suddenly to face him, his expression clearly as his eyes met Adam's “I could sure use a little help.”  
  
Adam couldn't help the small grin on his face, he could finally do some good again. “Just name it.”  
  
Carlos didn't need to name it though because the question was already so obvious in his eyes and so was Adam's answer as they clasped hands again in a sign of brotherhood.  
  
~*~*~  
  
The apartment was dark when Adam let himself in. He quietly discarded his keys on the bookshelf in the hallway and slid off his shoes before continuing in. It was simple student accommodation but it was preferable to halls.  
  
He wasn't sure if it had always been his nature or if he'd just learnt it as a Ranger and carrying that secret with him, but Adam liked his privacy and his own space. Lots of strangers and a roommate he'd never met before didn't appeal to him in the slightest so he'd been relieved when his parents had offered to help him find off campus accommodation and even more relieved when Rocky had asked to join him.  
Rent was cheaper with two people paying meaning that Adam had to ask his parents for help even less and he had truly missed his best friend in the months after his injury. They'd tried to spend time together, of course they had, but between Rocky's surgeries and rehabilitation and Adam's obligations as a Ranger it had been pretty hard. Things were good now though, better than good as they tried to make their way through  college together.  
  
Today though, today Adam had gotten a taste of being a Ranger again and it was like his entire being ached for it. He hadn't thought about it at all, he'd just seen a Ranger in trouble with no back up and launched into action. He forgot that he was a civilian now with no special powers, he was just a college freshman who was fairly good at martial arts but he still ran straight in to fight the monster like he'd never been away, like he hadn't given up his powers.  
  
He'd regretted giving them up almost immediately; being a Ranger had been and still was everything to him, it was his purpose he could feel it in his bones. He'd crashed pretty hard that summer, struggled so badly with the fact that the communicator he still wore would never go off again. The fact that he'd reach for his Turbo morphers and find nothing there because they were Carlos' now, not his. It was Carlos' purpose now and what did he have? He'd just graduated high school and was utterly washed up already, his glory days were passed and now what could he do with himself?  
  
He spent months feeling sorry for himself and going through what his parents had assumed was a late teenage rebellion. He'd always been the perfect, goody-two-shoes child for them as he toed the line being a perfect Ranger and role model but when he lost that he lost the will to be good anymore. He became surly, starting  drinking, spending hours in his room alone and stopped training at all. After all, what was there to train for?  
  
It had taken him months to even start to try to get on with his life then Rocky came around one day. He'd heard Adam was no longer a Ranger from someone, Adam presumed Kat or Tanya, and known exactly how badly Adam would be taking it. No one had ever known him like Rocky had.  
  
They'd fallen straight back into the friendship they'd had for so long and missed since Rocky's accident. Rocky's physiotherapy was still on going but his movement was improving and, slowly, he coaxed Adam to start training with him. Little things at first, very careful things and Adam had been shocked to realise that Rocky had been far worse hurt than he'd been originally led to believe. Rocky had given up his powers and lied about why because he didn't want them to worry about him, always with the pig-headed selflessness. Adam was beginning to wonder if it was a left over symptom of being the Red Ranger.  
  
Things were back on track for both of them now though, they were studying at Angel Grove Community College and Adam had much fewer dark days, especially since the Halloween Party. Halloween had been tough for him, so many kids trick or treating as Power Rangers so he'd suggested they go to one of the Frat Parties deciding that getting drunk might help. Rocky had been concerned and only tagged along when Adam had made it clear that he was going with or without him.  
And there had been alcohol, of course there had been, and it had ended in Adam grabbing Rocky and kissing him in a closet. To this day he couldn't remember why he'd done it or how they'd ended up in a closet but he was glad for it. Life was growing easier now he was in college and in a relationship, he'd never had that before he'd never been a boyfriend so he was enjoying those new roles and moving on. But then today happened and he remembered everything he'd lost.  
  
Seeing Carlos doubting himself as a Ranger when it was all Adam wanted hurt him badly, he couldn't just walk away. Carlos was his successor, his progeny in a way and it was his responsibility to fix this crisis of confidence. To Adam it had been a no-brainer to offer help to the Ranger, after all Rocky always told him that focusing on new things, new projects and goals would help him move on. Carlos could be that project.  
  
He smiled as he found Rocky sleeping on the couch, text book still under his cheek and television providing the only light in the room. As peaceful as his boyfriend looked, he knew he couldn't let Rocky sleep there for any longer since it would do his back no favours at all.  
  
Crouching down beside the couch, he lent in and kissed Rocky very softly. Slowly his boyfriend stirred as Adam looked him over. He was wearing a green shirt that probably had once been Adam's but they both hated laundry so tended to just share whatever was clean.  
  
Green looked wrong on Rocky, he knew it was an irrational gut reaction but Adam now hated any time that Rocky didn't wear red or blue. When they'd been Rangers they'd occasionally wear other colours and he hadn't minded then but now he hated it and though he never said anything, he was sure Rocky knew it. Rocky always knew when something was bugging him.  
  
He tried to coax Adam into different colours constantly, the karki greenish-brown he'd started wearing lately was partly due to that and partly because they really were running out of clothes. He made a mental note to try to go to the laundro-mat at the weekend.  
  
Rocky sat up slowly, squinting in the half dark at Adam looking a more than a little disorientated. “What time is it?” he asked, his voice think with sleep.  
  
“A little after ten.” Adam straightened and crossed the small room back to the doorway and turned on the main light, making Rocky groan in protest and cover his eyes with a hand.  
  
“Where were you today?” He eventually asked after taking a few seconds to grow used to the bright light.  
  
“Oh man, the library! I forgot.” Adam sunk down next to Rocky on the sofa. “I'm sorry, stuff came up and I totally forgot.” He'd meant to meet up with Rocky so they could go to lunch after their separate study sessions, he'd been on his way when he'd seen Carlos and clean forgotten about the date in the joy of getting to fight a monster again.  
  
He smiled apologetically and reached for Rocky's hand but the hand was pulled away and he was met with a quizzical, concerned expression. Rocky fiddled with the pages of the textbook in his lap as spoke.  
  
“Stuff came up huh? Funny, that's what you used to say when you missed visiting times in hospital because you were off doing Turbo things and didn't want to worry the invalid.” Rocky watched Adam closely as he said this, apparently he saw something in Adam's expression respond to that because he asked quickly, brow furrowing. “What did you do Adam?”  
  
Adam could feel himself grinning as he replied “I saved a Power Ranger today.”  
  
Rocky didn't grin back though. He didn't even look remotely proud of his boyfriend, he just looked angry. “What the hell where you playing at Adam?”  
  
His grin faltered as he was met with a hard, serious stare. “Carlos was in trouble, he was about to be killed by that thing. I had to do something.”  
  
“And so could you, he's the Ranger now and he's got a whole team who has his back.” Rocky stood suddenly, stepping away as he distanced himself from Adam. “You aren't a superhero anymore, Adam! Jesus Christ, what if you'd been killed huh? Did you even think?”  
  
“What and you would have just walked on by?” Adam demanded, Rocky's overly dramatic response raising his hackles too. How could Rocky begrudge him this when he knew how much he'd missed the life?  
  
“Rangers can handle themselves, you know that! You said you hand-picked Carlos to replace you, you know he's capable!” Rocky's voice was raising as he stood, staring down at Adam who was glaring back.  
  
He jumped to his feet angrily “He's having a confidence crisis, don't you remember what it's like? Weight of the world on your shoulders and you don't know if you're good enough? Strong enough?”  
  
“Yeah, I remember but we didn't need Zack and Jason to come back and hold our hands, did we?” Rocky folded his arms across his chest as Adam moved closer to him.  
  
“He needs someone to help him, to remind him why he was chosen to be a Ranger in the first place. I chose him so who better to help him? Train him?” Adam argued back, heading toward Rocky planning to exit through the door behind the former Blue Ranger.  
  
Rocky grabbed him by the shoulders, holding him firmly in place  to face Rocky. “Hold on a minute, you've gone from apparently saving him to training him now? When did that leap happen?”  
  
“Why not? We train the kids at the bar and rec. centre, this is way more important. He needs someone to convince him he's good enough or he's leaving the team and he'll regret it forever. ” He replied with a slightly pleading tone. Pleading Rocky to understand him as he usually did even if he didn't support him.  
  
“Like you?”  
  
There was a pause as their eyes locked, Adam knew his silence was telling Rocky everything. Slowly he wrapped his arms around the other boy's waist and pulled him closer so that their bodies touched lightly. He pressed a brief kiss to Rocky's lips that were still pouting his displeasure.  
  
“He asked me for help so I'm gonna train him but I won't fight any more monsters if it upsets you this much.” He offered the promised with a slight apologetic tone, he didn't regret what he'd done but he hadn't meant to upset Rocky this much. “Just some working out, sparring, the stuff we do all the time.”  
  
“Not all the stuff we do, I hope.” An almost smile lingered on Rocky's lips as one of his hands left Adam's shoulder to play with Adam's hair.  
  
“Course not, I want to make sure he stays a Ranger. My intentions for Carlos are pure, my intentions for you however...” He trailed off with a suggestive smile as he slide his fingers under the green shirt and caressed Rocky's lower back. Under his fingertips he could feel thin lines, the remnants of so many surgeries that Rocky and his mother still worked so many extra jobs to try to pay off.  
  
“And what intentions might those be?”  
  
“To make up for the fact that I stood you up for our date,”Adam smiled, his hands moving up Rocky's back slowly bringing the shirt up higher as he lent in and whispers in his lover's ear “Tonight you can do anything you want.”  
  
When he pulled back he could see the anger had entirely gone from Rocky eyes, it had instead been  replaced completely by obvious desire. He surged forward and caught Adam's lips in his own far more forcefully than usual, he'd clearly taken Adam's offer to heart.    
  
He smiled as one of Rocky's hands moved down and took a hold of Adam's belt buckle, using it to pull him out of the room and into the nearest bedroom- Rocky's.  
  
Adam found himself being pushed back onto the bed and he grinned up eagerly as Rocky stood over him with his expression still dead set and determined.  
  
“Promise me you won't do anything stupid Adam.” He said very firmly “I won't argue with training him but you need to put this Ranger envy behind you. Promise me.”  
  
Adam took a deep breath and sat up enough to remove the open button-down shirt he'd been wearing and dropped it to the floor. His eyes met Rocky's as he said “I promise.”  
  
“Good,” Rocky traced his fingers lightly traced along Adam's jaw. “Now, I believe you said I'm in charge tonight.”  
  
“You are.” Adam agreed and the hand moved over his mouth. He felt a shiver of excitement down his spine.  
  
“No more talking.” He was told as he was pushed down to the bed. “Now, I think I better make this memorable so you can't forget that promise.” Rocky's voice was firm with a playful edge as he lent down and kissed Adam's lips very lightly, teasingly so.  
  
“Now stay there.”  
  
Adam lay back again but propped himself up on his elbows so he could still watch Rocky as he moved around the room, his back to Adam as he very obviously tried to shield what his was doing. The former Green Ranger's eyes bore into his lover's shirt as he found himself wishing for the power to make the thing spontaneously disappear, not only was the colour all wrong it was also hiding a very sexy body.  
  
When Rocky turned back, he was very obviously trying not to grin. Adam's eyes moved to his hands and felt himself grinning to. Rocky crossed back to the bed and straddled Adam's lap, kissing him deeply.  
  
“You in to it?” He asked Adam, pulling back to look him in the eyes for the moment.  
  
“Oh, you're wicked.” Adam murmured back, feeling lust rising as he ran his hands up his boyfriend's thighs. “I'm into it.”  
  
“Let's get rid of this first,” He guided up Adam's karki green t-shirt, throwing it away before ordering him“Now lie back and relax.”  
  
Adam did as he was told with rising anticipation as Rocky climbed off of him again and moved around the bed. Adam watched him silently and willing reached out, he was silent as Rocky tied his wrist tightly and then fixed it to the bed post. It wasn't uncomfortable, just kept him there firmly and as Rocky moved around to fix the other wrist too.  
  
“I'm pretty sure this isn't what our belts were designed for.” Adam chuckled, knowing he'd never look at them the same again, which could certainly provide a new interesting perspective to training.  
  
He felt himself flinch as Rocky unfastened his communicator. Rocky had finally coaxed him to stop wearing it everyday only last month but after spending time with Carlos he'd slipped it on out of habit. Their eyes met once more as Rocky slowly slipped the communicator off once more, his brown eyes where full of love and reassurance but Adam still felt a hitch in his chest from the loss of it.  
  
He closed his eyes and felt Rocky's lips press to his wrist in a tender kiss before tying that wrist in the same way. The mild stretch in his arms was noticeable but not painfully so as he looked up at Rocky with a combination of trust and lust as he pushed away the feelings of loss.  
  
His mind was fully forced away from his communicator as hands started to rid him of the few articles of clothing he had left. Shoes hit the floor with a thud followed by socks, pants and finally underwear leaving Adam naked and bound to Rocky's bed. He was already half hard as he waited eagerly for Rocky to do something about it.  
  
A soft sigh escaped Adam's lips as he felt Rocky kissing his chest. The former Ranger moved his kisses across Adam's skin, a tongue darted out to flick over one of Adam's nipples. His fingers clench and he pulled against the belts as he automatically moved to run his fingers through Rocky's hair, over his neck and back, forgetting he can't until he felt the hard tug on his wrists. This was new and interesting for Adam as well as a little bit frustrating, he wasn't used to not being able to touch Rocky.  
  
Teeth grazed over the hardened nub of his nipple and his body reacted, jerking up off of the bed and pressing up against Rocky. He was surprised to find that the feeling of his boyfriend's clothed body against his naked one felt amazing. He hands gripped his bonds as he arched his body up against, eager for the friction as he moaned and Rocky's lips moved up to his neck.  
  
“Oh God!” He gasped, arousal fogging his brain as he rocked his hips needily. He was aware of Rocky chuckling and looked downwards to see his boyfriend grinning back at him. Rocky shifted up his body once more to kiss his lips very briefly.  
  
“One more thing,” Rocky  told Adam with a smile this time shifting to straddle Adam's stomach. He felt a flare of annoyance from the loss of stimulation until he noticed the black material in Rocky's hand. He look up at his boyfriend with a quizzical expression that made Rocky's grin widened in response.  
  
The black material slid over Adam's eyes and he felt Rocky knot it at the back of his head. He felt his breath hitch as he was plunged into darkness.  
  
He felt fingers lightly running down his chest and sides coupled with warm  breath close to his left ear. “I'll stop anytime, ok?” Rocky's voice was low and soft but he could hear the desire in his boyfriend's voice. Having Adam naked, bound and blindfold, utterly at his mercy, was definitely turning Rocky on a lot.  
  
Adam nodded, his eyes gazing unseeingly into the gaze as he felt himself smile. It felt good to be able to hear the affect he was having on his lover, he'd never been especially great looking when he compared himself to other Rangers like Tommy or Jason but Rocky always made him feel incredibly sexy despite himself.  
  
He could hear movement then a very light sound of something hitting the ground, now he knew that damn green t-shirt was off he certainly felt better. Weight shifted on the mattress and him moved his head though it didn't help his vision, with a nervous kind of excitement he wonder what Rocky had planned for him.  
  
Then there was tongue, and lips, and teeth, and hands and it was all too much for Adam. Somehow not being able to see or anticipate what was coming next served to heighten the pleasure even more than usual and Rocky took obvious glee in bringing him to the edge before pulling him back again, over and over.  
  
When Rocky finally allowed Adam to reach his orgasm it was after the most intense sex they'd ever had. With Adam unable to touch or move, Rocky became even more attentive than usual and when they came it was together.  
  
As they panted for breath, Rocky untied the black material. Adam blinked slowly and as he stared up at Rocky in the dim light he grinned. Rocky pressed his lips to Adam's slightly sweaty forehead affectionately as he lay beside Adam.  
  
“How was that?” He eventually asked, fingers tracing lightly over Adam's chest. “Are your shoulders ok?”  
  
“Totally fine, they've taken worse strain.” Adam assured him before lazily stretching his body out on the bed, having grown almost used to the restraints. “So how long have you been wanting to do that?” He was certain that Rocky hadn't just thought of it on the spot, he seemed to have had is too well planned out for him to be winging it, not that Adam minded he was just curious.  
  
“Longer than you'd think.” Rocky turned enough to start untying one of Adam's wrists, his face was half turned away to focus on the task but from what Adam could see, his cheek's were flushed pink. “For a while uh...back during the Zeo days I started getting some confusing dreams about before we were Rangers when the putties chained us up on kinda a regular basis.” Once Adam's wrist was released, he gently massaged it before kissing the pulse point lightly.  
  
“Did you know back then? How you felt I mean?” Adam asked curiously, using his newly freed hand to guide Rocky to face him again as he stroked one of his flushed cheeks gently.  
  
“Oh no, that didn't click into place until we were, well you know, here.” Rocky shrugged looking more than a little embarrassed “I kinda ignored it back then but since we got together, I dunno...it was fun though right?”  
  
“Oh hell yeah, amazing. You were amazing.” Adam moved his hand to the back of Rocky's head to kiss him passionately, eagerly pushing his tongue into Rocky's mouth. It wasn't often that Rocky was the shy one.  
  
“Ok, ok I believe you.” Rocky was grinning by the time Adam pulled back for air. He lent over to release Adam's other wrist for him as Adam decided to take advantage of the fact the he could touch now. Tenderly, he ran his hand over Rocky's back and felt his boyfriend flinch away.  
  
“Rocky...”  
  
“I'm fine Adam,” He muttered as he unknotted the belt. His expression had darkened just a little and Adam sighed, Rocky liked to pretend that he was the only one with issues but the fact was the back injury and the resulting scars had caused as many issues with Rocky as giving up powers had for him.  
  
“I don't care about them, you know that.” Adam told him, his free hand coming to rest lightly on Rocky's hip.  
  
“They look awful.” He muttered as he removed the belt and went through the same ritual of massaging and kissing the wrist.  
  
“You can't see them and I don't mind them, you know I don't hate them.” Adam tried to guide his boyfriend closer, to make him face him or something by Rocky resisted. “In fact, I sort of like them in a way.”  
  
That got Rocky's attention immediately in the way Adam expected, he turned quickly staring at Adam looking stunned. He clearly just couldn't comprehend what Adam just said.  
  
“Without those surgeries and those scars, you wouldn't have been able to be who you are.  You told me the doctors were talking about you maybe ending up in a wheelchair at one point, and yeah I would still want to be with you if you were but you'd be miserable if you were in a wheelchair.” Adam spoke reasonably, his hand moving from Rocky's hip to slowly roaming over his back as he did so.  
  
“Those scars mean you can walk unaided, you can keep doing all the sports, running around and energetic sex you want. So long as the latter's with me of course.” He gave his boyfriend a grin which Rocky immediately returned. Adam knew his issues with the scars weren't gone, they likely never would be, but at least he could always talk him around.  
  
Rocky lent in and pecked a kiss to his lips “I'll be right back ok?” Adam nodded and sat up as he watched his lover's bare ass out of the door.  
  
Reaching to the bedside table he found a tie for his hair and pulled it back before his eyes fell on his old communicator. Rationally he knew wearing it was pointless but he felt lost without it, when he took it off his brain filled with 'what ifs' and he felt sick. Even when Rocky had persuaded him to stop wearing it, it was always on his person, in his book bag or something. He couldn't help it he just had to keep it near, he felt the same with his old morpher only Rocky kept confiscating it.  
  
He looked up as he heard Rocky return, feeling a little guilty that he'd been caught again. With a semi-apologetic smile he dropped the communicator into the drawer and closed it before shifting over so that his boyfriend could sit beside him.  
  
Silently, Rocky fastened the bracelet around Adam's wrist. Made of yarn and white shell beads, one of Rocky's many sisters had made it for Adam and he'd been wearing it in place of his communicator at Rocky's suggestion.  
  
There was a silence between them as they sat there, Adam knew Rocky was still unhappy over what he'd done today but he found he didn't and couldn't regret it. Fighting alongside Carlos had felt just too damn good.  
  
“Let's just go to bed, yeah? It's been a long day.” Rocky eventually said quietly, already moving to climb under the covers.  
  
“Sure.” Adam reached up to turn off the light before settling down beside Rocky. Though they had their own rooms, more often than not they shared and tonight it seemed important to Adam that he stayed. He was hugely surprised however when, after he lay down, Rocky shifted closer and rested his head onto his chest. That had certainly never happened before. It wasn't that they weren't intimate or affectionate but neither of them were exactly cuddlers particularly at bedtime, they'd always liked their own space even when sharing a bed  
  
“Rocky?” He asked very softly, tentatively even. His hand came to rest on the back of Rocky's neck, thumb stroking gently.  
  
“Tell me about the monster.” The former Red (and Blue) Ranger demanded in a small but serious voice that Adam had rarely head him use before, after all Rocky was usually loud and playful.  
  
He was careful in his description of the Lizwizard so as not to make him sound too dangerous or threatening, he didn't want or need Rocky freaking out again. He played down the danger of the situation which in turn diminished the heroism and skill of his fight but it was worth it if it avoided another argument.  
  
“How'd that put him in this crisis though?” Rocky asked, head still resting on Adam's chest. “Most monsters can't be defeated by a single Ranger.”  
  
“No, it's not that. Something happened before today, Lizwizard tricked him into hurting Cassie, she's the Pink Ranger.” Adam ran his fingers up over Rocky's short hair as he spoke. “She's fine though, I spoke to her when I couldn't get Carlos to talk about it.”  
  
“That's rough, poor kid.” He shifted and cuddled into Adam a little as he spoke.  
  
“And that's why I've got to help him, you get that right?”  
  
“It's not about 'not getting it' Adam, I'm just scared you're going to forget you're not a Ranger anymore and do something stupid.” Rocky moved to face Adam, shifting up  to eye level with him “You left the Power Rangers because Demetria said it was time to move on with your life, not to wallow as you dream of supposed glory days and definitely not to run into battle with no powers. I don't want to lose you or see you get hurt.”  
  
“I'll be careful.” Adam promised quietly as Rocky settled on the pillow, their heads close together. He draped an arm loosely around his boyfriend's waist as he closed his eyes.  
  
“Or I'll kick your butt.”  
  
Adam smiled as sleep took him quickly.  
  
~*~*~  
  
The next morning Adam was gone by the time Rocky woke, along with his training gear and communicator and so started a difficult week for the ex-Blue Ranger. Adam woke up before him, got in after Rocky was sleeping and they only saw each other in the few classes they shared. Adam called him twice to ask him to teach their youth classes solo because he was busy training Carlos and cancelled dates with him three times. It was maddening.  
  
So he snapped. He couldn't help following Adam out, it didn't take long for him to figure out where they were training either. The park in Angel Grove wasn't all that big and Adam had always had his favourite spots to train. Rocky knew his boyfriend well and the fact that he knew him so well made him even more uncomfortable about the situation. He didn't know this Carlos kid, but he knew Adam was vulnerable and weak right now. He was caught up being the hero returned to save Carlos from self-doubt and he'd thrown Rocky aside to do it. He just wanted to see what it was about this kid that had made Adam drop him so completely.  
  
He stood silently between the trees as he watched. Adam held a clipboard as the other guy did sit ups. He knew it was petty and stupid of him but he couldn't help resentfully wondering how sit ups would restore the Ranger's self confidence.  
  
Rocky's eyes took in the scene silently and he realised with a pang that Alpha was there, why hadn't Adam told him Alpha was attending these training sessions? Hadn't it occurred to his boyfriend to ask if he wanted to see their old friend? He couldn't remember how long exactly it had been since he'd seen Alpha and he'd been such a huge part of Rocky's life for so long.  
  
His attention was drawn back to the boys however as he noticed the current Black Ranger had stood up and was using the bottom of his black shirt to wipe sweat from his face. A seemingly harmless action only it had exposed a pretty amazing six pack and Rocky was certain he wasn't the only one who had noticed. Adam's gaze had definitely strayed from his clipboard down to the washboard abs and Rocky's frown grew as his hand unconsciously ran over his own stomach.  
  
Carlos and Adam stood talking for a few moments and Rocky shifted from foot to foot awkwardly. He'd only wanted to see what this new Ranger looked like but now he was finding it hard to walk away despite not wanting to be one of those clingy people who followed their boyfriend everywhere to make sure he wasn't cheating.  
  
Ordinarily he trusted Adam, ordinarily he wouldn't even entertain the idea of Adam cheating but when it came to the ranger issue Adam became fractious and unpredictable. He was so miserable in missing being a Ranger at times that he became everything a Ranger shouldn't be and it worried Rocky no end.  
  
He thought his heart had stopped when Adam had said he'd fought a monster. It was a stupid and dangerous thing to do, after all Carlos could have called his Rangers at any time but Adam still decided it was down to him because he wanted it to be. He didn't see how dangerous it had been, how close he could have been to death since he no longer had any powers to protect him. He loved Adam, he didn't say it  since they'd only been dating for a short while but that fact was he'd know Adam since he was ten and he'd loved him for a very long time and Rocky didn't want to lose him to this obsession with being a superhero.  
  
So Adam was unpredictable and spending all his time with an attractive male that Rocky neither knew nor trusted. This Carlos might be a Ranger but that wasn't proof that he wouldn't try something.  
  
As he watched, Adam moved to his kit bag and pulled something out. Recognition hit Rocky and he had to fight the urge to go over there. Adam was holding the blindfold that Rocky had used on him only a few nights before, why would he bring that?  
  
He forced himself to walk away, his fists shaking with anger as he took deep breaths. He didn't go far, he sank down onto a picnic bench with his back to them as he tried to think rationally. Faintly, he could hear the voices of  Adam and Alpha as he pulled out a textbook. Looking over his shoulder, he could barely see them through the trees so he could just sit here and happen to be studying nearby.  
  
He stared unseeingly at his set reading, the words meaning little to him as all he could think about was the fact that his boyfriend had a hot guy blindfolded not too far away. Had it even occurred to Adam how inappropriate is was to use that blindfold of all the things he could have used? Probably not, Rocky admitted to himself. Adam could be pretty single minded at times so maybe he was just being dense, adorable Adam trying to be the best trainer and that was it. Right?  
  
He didn't know how much time had passed as he stewed over his thoughts. Movement behind him caused him to jump up and spin around, automatically in a defensive stance. Old habits die hard, especially in this park that had always been monster central during his ranger days. Instead he found Carlos who froze and took up his own defensive stance in response.  
  
Rocky was surprised to see that the teen looked angry, perhaps Adam had turned him down whilst professing his undying love for only Rocky? He was also sweatier and hotter, in both senses of the word, now that he was up close.  
  
“Carlos?” He said in confusion before he could stop himself and the Black Ranger frowned suspiciously.  
  
“Who are you? How do you know my name?” His accent surprised Rocky, he certainly hadn't expected one and couldn't quite place it. Not that he'd ever been good with languages or geography for that matter.  
  
“Oh I'm Rocky.” The ex-Blue Ranger left his defensive stance but Carlos didn't, he didn't seem to recognise the name at all. “I was a Ranger too? Also, Adam's boyfriend?” He sort of waved semi-awkwardly by way of greeting.  
  
Carlos straightened, his mood still obviously bad as he shrugged with indifference “Adam never mentioned you-”  
  
“Well, he's a pretty private guy but he's told me about you and-”  
  
“When I asked him if he was dating anyone.” The words were said evenly but they felt like a punch to the gut for Rocky. Carlos shook his head and continued to stomped away as Rocky sat down heavily once more.  
  
Adam had told Carlos he was single.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Rocky didn't need to wait up for Adam that night, he came home early and dumped his kitbag in the hallway before reclining on the sofa next to Rocky like it was a normal day, like he hadn't been sneaking in late every night.  
  
“Long time, no see.” Rocky commented as Adam helped himself to the pizza he was eating for dinner.  
  
“You know how training can be.” Adam shrugged, his focus on the episode of CSI playing on screen as he ate hungrily.  
  
“Yeah, you haven't trained with me for ages though. I'm gonna start feeling neglected.” He said it in a jokey manner though he was still deeply hurt by Carlos' words, he didn't know the boy and had no reason to trust his claims. Right now he didn't exactly trust Adam either though.  
  
“I think you can survive without me for a week, you only do light training. Besides this this is really important.” Adam shrugged, as he polished off the slice of pizza and lent forward to steal a sip from Rocky's glass.  
  
“And my rehabilitation isn't?” He couldn't keep some of the hurt out of his voice that time as he picked off some of the onion from the pizza.  
  
“You can train solo but Carlos needs me.” Another shrug and his voice was light, as though he honestly couldn't see the issue.  
  
The way Adam said it unsettled Rocky even more and he couldn't help replying with  
“Needs you how exactly?”  
  
Adam's jaw visibly clenched as he turned to face Rocky, his whole body obviously tense. “What exactly are you accusing me of?” His voice was suddenly ugly, there was no other word for how hard and cold it was.  
  
“You heard me.” Rocky wasn't going to let Adam's obvious anger and insult make him back down, he had to know.  
  
“You think I'm cheating on you?”  
  
Rocky shrugged, eyes locked with Adam's as his heart pounded violently in his chest. His voice remained calm as he asked “I don't know, are you?”  
  
There was a pause before Adam said “No.” And though it wasn't a long pause, it was enough for Rocky to doubt his words.  
  
“Funny coz you two looked pretty intimate today.” Rocky all but snarled back, anger from this betrayal coursing through him once more. “And apparently you've been telling him you're single.”  
  
“You been following me? Talking to Carlos? You trust me that little? Well thanks a fucking lot, Rocky!” Adam jumped to his feet and Rocky did too, Adam's nerve to be angry at him was just pushing his buttons even more.  
  
“You want to talk about trust? I'm not the one cheating with the hot new Ranger coz I want to be one!” Rocky yelled, the anger that had been building all afternoon finally erupting as he closed the gap, getting in his boyfriend's face “You miss being a Ranger? Now you're just a groupie for one.”  
  
Hands roughly shoved him back as Adam glared at him. “You're so convinced I'm sleeping with him? You're the one calling him hot, you sure it's not you who's tempted to cheat? He's just a nice kid I'm trying to help.”  
  
“Who you told you were single so you must be planning to make a move, right?” Rocky spat back, still startled that Adam shoved him. He'd never seen Adam attack in anger before, it went against all their martial art training but he could feel he was getting closer to that edge too. He'd never felt this betrayed before.  
  
“Thinking about something isn't the same as doing it, I never punched Tommy or Jason right? And I thought about that too. You can't blame me for thoughts Rocky, that's not fair.”  
  
“Not fair? I've been dead to you ever since that boy came into your life. I'm your boyfriend Adam, I love you and you've just thrown that all to the side to go play at being Power Rangers.” He reached out to grab Adam by the shoulders, he wanted to shake him and make him see this was madness.  
  
“We are Power Rangers Rocky, it's who we are and I miss it, so sue me!  And yeah I like training him, I like being around him but that doesn't mean I'm going to fuck him.”  
  
“You want him though and since he turned up, you haven't wanted me. That much is pretty fucking clear.” He started heading for the door, they were just going in circles now and if he didn't leave, someone was going to get hurt. If they really fought he knew neither of them would come out of it well and the flat would be wrecked. This was the sensible decision.  
  
“Don't walk away from me!” Adam's hand came out to grab Rocky's shoulder, jerking him back roughly. Rough enough to make Rocky wince as pain shot up his spine and it was obvious on Adam's face that he realised he'd gone too far. Rocky's back wasn't exactly delicate but it wasn't as good as it had once been, sudden jerks and pulls wouldn't be good for his rehabilitation.  
  
Rocky at least knew Adam must care on some level still since he apologised very quietly for the action and slumped down onto the couch with his head downcast. The once Blue Ranger silently took his leave before the argument could start again.  
  
He retreated to his room, closing the door and sinking down into the nearby desk chair as he felt sick. Adam wanted Carlos, Adam had been thinking about Carlos and he'd been tempted but claimed he hadn't done anything, if he was to be believed.  
The front door slammed and he winced, Adam didn't have many places to go right now.  What if he'd just driven his boyfriend straight into the arms of the Black Ranger?  
  
He buried his face in his hands as he groaned out loud. It was all just too fucked up.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Adam got to the park early the next day, having stayed the night at his parent's house. When he got there he started to busy himself with setting up as Alpha teleported in armed with a towel and a water bottle.  He wasn't sure how useful Alpha actually was with the training sessions but Adam certainly liked having him around. This Alpha might not be the Alpha 5 he'd known for years but Alpha 6 wasn't all that different really and Adam certainly needed a familiar and friendly presence right now.  
  
“What's wrong, Adam?” He asked as he approached.  
  
“I, uh, had a fight with Rocky. He thinks it's not healthy for me to get mixed up with the Power Rangers again, you know?” He sighed, not wanting to mention the other stuff because truth was, he was tempted. Tempted by Carlos and by the morpher he still had in his bag and he felt awful for betraying Rocky with those feelings but he just couldn't help wanting it all so badly.  
  
Alpha 6's hand touched his shoulder as he told him. “Adam, I think what you're doing is really great!”  
  
He could see Carlos approaching and couldn't help as grin as he turned towards the Ranger “Hey!” He greeted, no longer listening to Alpha. “We'll start off with three miles around the lake-”  
  
“Adam,” He cut off to look back at Carlos and saw he looked serious and seemed to be struggling with his words. Adam felt his whole body tensing as he waited for the Black Ranger to speak. “I've already decided. I'm not the Black Ranger any more.”  
  
Carlos sounded so sad as he said it, or was that only Adam's imagination because he knew how sad and depressed he'd become when he was no longer a Ranger?  
  
He looked downward and saw Carlos' hand was, consciously or not, running over his bare wrist where his morpher usually was. Adam had the sudden desire to comfort him, to take his hand and hold him close and kiss him, it was nearly overwhelming.  
  
Then Carlos turned and walked away as Alpha called out to him and Adam just watched remembering the heartbreak he'd felt when he'd given his morphers to Carlos. He knew exactly what Carlos was going through right now and he started to follow him. Just so he could comfort him, nothing else. He wasn't going to give in to temptation. He didn't think.  
  
He'd only take a few steps though when explosions began erupting around them, sending them both flying to the ground. Adam knew it meant only one thing: Lizwizard had returned and this time, they were both 'just' civillians.  
  
He hadn't come alone this time either, the  current equivalent to Putties and Cogs were with him. Adam didn't much care what they were, he didn't need to know their name to try to fight them but as he fought he looked around him and saw exactly how outnumbered he and Carlos were. Carlos who had just been flung to the floor like a rag doll by Lizwizard.  
  
Fear and panic rushed through him, he knew the other man would almost certainly be killed if he didn't do something, maybe they both would be. His eyes went to his bag, if he morphed he could defeat these things and save the day but the morpher was damaged and Alpha had told him yesterday what Billy had told him the day the power coins were damaged: morphing could kill him.  
  
The power coins were connected to the Rangers life force and the coins had been damaged and corrupted so there was no telling exactly what it could do to him but it was very likely he wouldn't survive it. Would that be so bad though? He could go out in style, the hero returned and he could save Carlos, make him see that they were both Rangers for life because it wasn't something you could just walk away from. He could free Rocky from having a selfish boyfriend who was a total screw up. All the pain and the longing for his past would stop, he would die being the Ranger he was born to be and that was alright with him.  
  
He picked up the morpher and was aware of Alpha 6 exclaiming “No Adam! It's too big of a risk!”  
  
He looked at the morpher in his hand and found that instead of backing down, the warning just made him even more determined to go through with it. So this was it, his final fight. He'd better make it a good one.  
  
From the ground Carlos reached up to him, yelling out to him “Adam! Don't!” but he'd already made up his mind.  
  
“It's morphin' time!”  
  
~*~*~  
  
Having barely slept the night before, Rocky was in the living room with strong coffee trying to decipher his class notes from the week previous. He still felt sick with dread every time he thought of the fact that Adam hadn't come home the night before night but he was pushing it out of his mind right now. There was nothing he could do until Adam came home.  
  
He barely looked up as his TV show was interrupted by a local news bulletin, they were very common place in Angel Grove after all. His blood ran cold however as, during the report, it was said that there were witnesses from the park claiming that not one but two Black Rangers had been seen doing battle with a monster in the park.  
  
He ran out of the room and into his bedroom at break neck speed, straight to his cupboard. He'd hidden Adam's morpher along with his own when he'd last confiscated it a few months back, he'd added Adam's communicator a few nights ago too. He hoped it would still be there, maybe the Black Ranger was from another planet like the Aquitian Rangers but when he pulled down the old shoe box it only contained his old morpher and communicator, Adam's were gone and so was Rocky last desperate hope.  
  
Numbly, he carried the box through to the living room and sat heavily onto the couch as he stared down at his own battered morpher, and nasty looking crack running through the centre of the power coin itself.  
  
The phone started ringing and he automatically reached out to answer it, his voice sounded hollow as he managed to say “Hello?”  
  
“Rocky, did you see the news? Is it Adam?” Tanya's voice was as shrill and panicked as Rocky's was empty.  
  
“Yeah, it is.” He could feel his hands shaking as he spoke “His morpher's gone and we had a big fight last night. I don't know why he...” He trailed off as his voice started shaking too.  
  
“You guys told me those morphers don't work anyone, that they'd kill you? We need to stop him!”  
  
“That's what Billy said. The power coins...this one time something happened to Kimberly's and she nearly died. And, and...He knows that, Adam knows that. He's on a suicide mission somewhere in the park and with no powers and, and my back the way it is...there's nothing I can do Tanya. Nothing.” He could feel prickles in his eyes as he fought back the urge to cry because somewhere out there his boyfriend was basically attempting suicide and he couldn't stop it. All of this was either because of him, because of Adam's blind desire to be a Ranger again or he was doing it for Carlos and Rocky couldn't decide which possible reason was worse right now.  
  
“We can hope.” Tanya said softly and he couldn't help it, tears were rolling down Rocky's cheek as he closed his eyes, praying to a God he didn't even believe in that Adam would survive using the broken morpher. He needed Adam too much to lose him now, like this.  
  
His prayers were broken by an old familiar sound and he opened his eyes in surprise as he stared down at his communicator. It had been silent ever since the day he'd been injured, who would be contacting him now? Unless...  
  
He nestled the phone between his ear and shoulder and picked up the communicator to answer it, willing his hands to stop shaking as it beeped again. Tanya, on hearing the sound, fell silent herself.  
  
“Hello? This is Rocky.” He said, fighting to keep his emotions him check. “Where is...Is Adam? Is he...dead?”  
  
“Rocky, you must go to Angel Grove Hospital right away. The Rangers teleported Adam there.” Alpha's voice was different to how he remembered, he noticed.  
  
“But is he alive?”  
  
“For now. We don't know what the broken morpher might have done to him. Hurry Rocky.”  
  
“Ok, thanks Alpha.” He pocketed the communicator, just in case. “Did you hear that, Tanya?”  
  
“Yeah I did, look my break's nearly over but I'll drive to Angel Grove after work. Go be with Adam, he needs you.”  
  
“Yeah. Bye.” He said numbly before hanging up.  
  
Rocky felt like he was almost in a dream like state as he left the flat and made his way to the hospital. It didn't feel real at all and never had he missed teleporting more than right then. He needed to be at his boyfriend's side damnit, not stuck in traffic.  
  
He felt sick as he hurried into the hospital reception, he was greeted by the receptionist warmly since he was a regular face these days between surgeries and physiotherapy.  
  
“Rocky, hey cutie! Weren't you here yesterday?” She beamed at him as she filed her nails.  
  
“Yeah but I just got a call that my boyfriend was brought here, Adam Park?” Right now we wasn't interested in banter with a 40 year old woman who still thought she was a teenager, he needed to find Adam.  
  
She immediately became much more professional as she looked him up on a computer “Ok, yes, he's just been taken from the E.R to...the third floor and, what? That can't be right.” She frowned further. “How old's your boyfriend?”  
  
“Twenty, why?” He felt sick as he watched her expression.  
  
“Computer says he's on the Kingston Memorial ward but he can't be, that's part of the coronary care unit.”  
  
“English please, Sandy.”  
  
“It's the ward for heart attacks but surely twenties is far too young for a-” Rocky wasn't listening any more, the word 'heart attack' had sent him running. He didn't waste time on the elevators, he ran up the flights of stairs to the third floor, his own heart thumping wildly in his chest.  
  
Finally, he spotted a group of colourfully clothed teens at the other end of a hallway. He was thankful that Rangers were always so easy to find as he hurried over. Despite his panicked state Rocky couldn't help noticing the new Red Ranger's long, stripey hair and being thankful that even with his interesting fashion choices back then, he'd always had good hair.  
  
“I'm Rocky.” he said and it seemed Alpha had warned them of his coming because they nodded and said the doctor had just left before motioning for him to go straight into the room.  
  
He stepped inside and, as the door swung shut, he glared. Carlos was standing  beside Adam's sleeping form and was bent down over him, on the other side of the bed was a girl dressed in all pink. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she was the Pink Ranger Cassie that Adam had told him about. The one who'd been injured by Carlos.  
  
Carlos who was pressing his lips to Adam's forehead and jealous rage burst forth once more.  
  
“Get the hell away from him.” Rocky snarled in a voice he barely recognised as his own “You did this to him.”  
  
“What? No, I begged him not to. He did this himself.” The Black Ranger replied, not moving from Adam's side. Rocky didn't know what made him do it but it was like someone just flipped a switch. One second he was standing near the closed door staring at Carlos and Adam and the next he had Carlos slammed against the wall, one arm pining him by the chest as the other hand closed around his throat.  
  
“No! Stop!” Cassie screeched behind him, he could feel her pulling at him but he didn't release the Ranger in his grip.  
  
“He was doing just fine until you came along, you're the one that had him lying and sneaking around.”  
  
“Rocky. Stop.” A weak voice ordered him. It wasn't Carlos, Cassie or any of the technicoloured band of teens, it was Adam.  
  
He instantly released Carlos and hastily made his way over the the bed where his ashen faced boyfriend lay.  
  
“You're a fucking idiot.” He told Adam, his voice cracking with relief to hear his voice again.  
  
“I know.” He was taking slowly deliberate breaths as his chest moved up and down and Rocky noticed he was bare chested with some sort of monitors attached. Adam's eyes followed his own and Cassie explained  
  
“The broken morpher overloaded you with too much energy and power, too much for one body to handle and your heart couldn't take it, your heart started failing because it just isn't designed to cope with the strain the morpher put it under. We brought you here, your heart stopped and they had to bring you back. A few times actually.”  
  
Adam had actually died because of his morpher, it was only by sheer dumb luck that the new Rangers had gotten him here in time. Rocky swallowed back bile at the thought of what might have happened otherwise.  
  
“What were you thinking?” He asked sadly, taking Adam's hand in his own.  
  
“Why did you do it?” Carlos asked, moving closer and Rocky couldn't keep the annoyance from his face. He wanted that kid out of there and to never come back.  
  
“I thought...I thought you deserved someone else, someone better.” Adam sad softly, sadly “I knew Carlos needed help, we were outnumbered and...I could go out with a bang.”  
  
“I don't want someone else. There is no one better for me, you idiot. You're it. You're all I want Adam. I don't know how many more ways or times I need to say it before you believe it.” Rocky sighed, sitting down carefully on the edge of the bed with Adam's hand still in his. Softly, he kissed the back of his boyfriend's hand.  
  
“It wasn't like I expected though. It hurt so much and I was so scared, so alone. I was dying and all I wanted was to be back home. With you.” Adam's voice shook as he spoke and Rocky noticed the heart monitor was beeping just a little faster. “It was always you Rocky, no one else. You're right, I was a total idiot.”  
  
“Yeah, you were.” He agreed, aware of Carlos and Cassie leaving. He looked around to see the Pink Ranger had her arm around the Black Ranger's back as they left, comforting him but he couldn't bring himself to care.  
  
“You've messed with a lot of people's feelings this last week. Scared a lot of people today. Tanya's gonna be here soon, she's been freaking out and she'll have already called all the Zeo guys and they'll call all the others. You're gonna have to answer to all of them.”  
  
“I'm more worried about answering to you right now. Can you forgive me?” Adam looked so small and tired in the hospital bed Rocky noticed.  
  
Rocky looked down at him evenly “Did anything actually happen? With him?” He jerked his thumb at the closed door Carlos has just gone through.  
  
“Not really.” Adam said softly. “Just, uh, I guess I flirted and we nearly kissed. Nearly. I stopped it before...” There was a definite pause as Adam looked up at Rocky almost pleadingly before the ex Blue Ranger nodded.  
  
“I can forgive you but never again, ok?” Rocky told him evenly before adding “It killed me to see you drooling over him.”  
  
“Never again.” Adam repeated and his voice sounded so tired. “I didn't drool over him half as much as I have you.”  
  
Rocky couldn't hold back a snort of disbelief.  
  
 “Oh yeah, I can see that,” He said sarcastically. “Of course I'm way more attractive than the hot Ranger with a perfect six pack, sexy body and accent. I can't work out half as much as I used to and my back...”  
  
“Not everyone wants a guy with a perfect six pack and as for your back, everyone has scars it's just not everyone's are visible. Hand on my heart, you are the only guy I want.” There was so much sincerity in his voice that Rocky finally believed him. He still had one final ultimatum to set down though.  
  
“You need to stop this Ranger stuff too. I get that you miss it but it nearly killed you this time, Adam. I thought you were dead and it scared me so bad.” He could feel tears threatening to spill once more but fought them off. “If you ever do anything like this again, I'll leave. We'll be over and that's it, I mean it. I can't go through this again.”  
  
“I'm done, I really am.” Adam promised, his hand gripping Rocky's tighter. “I'll never stop missing it but I get it now, I get what Dimitria meant. I was so focused on what I lost in being a Ranger, I nearly gave up what mattered most to me.” He didn't need to say it, Rocky knew Adam was talking about him. “I love you.”  
  
Rocky lent in and kissed him softly, it wasn't exactly the most conventional way to tell your boyfriend that you loved them for the first time but it would do. Adam was alive and his. No matter what might happen in the future, that was all that mattered to him right now.


End file.
